Australia Bans Itty-Bitty Titties

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Hey, we're not turning them down

According to the awesomely named Australian Sex Party (believe it or not, an actual political party, not the first of many volumes of Australian porn), A-cup breast sizes are now banned in porn shipped to Australia. Why? Because small-breasted women apparently could be construed as children, and therefore it’s child-porn.

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Pictured: what a ten-year-old in Australia must look like

Worth noting: among those people being slapped with this ban are Hustler and other huge porn conglomerates, who by law have to make sure their actresses aren’t the second coming of Traci Lords. And if you were thinking that they could just go online to get their small-breasted porn, the Australian government has been trying to ram through an Internet filter that basically blocks everything that could be construed as fun, and also some dentist for no explicable reason. This from the country that gave us the delightfully bite-size Naomi Watts:

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Now that's what we call "fun size".

You see, this is why we love America. Sure, our macrobrews suck, our government’s torn between wimps and assholes, and our economy’s in the toilet. But goddamnit, if we want our women in our porn to have apples instead of melons, we can get that with no government interference! Also, we’re not giving back Naomi Watts. Fuck you, Australia, that’s the cost for inflicting Paul Hogan on us.