Ditka Versus Stroke? Ditka By 58

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It sounds like something out of Saturday Night Live in which Bill Swerski would pose the following question to the Superfans:

“Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that Heaven forbid, Dit-ka was to have a stroke. I know. I don’t want to think about it either. But, let’s just say that it happened. How long would it take Ditka to kick that stroke’s freakin’ ass and be back to work? Go around the room.”

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Todd O’Conner: “Dit-ka would body slam that stroke’s freakin’ ass in no less than four seconds!!! That stroke is so freakin’ toast!!!”

Pat Arnold: “Dit-ka would beat that stroke like Da Bears beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Ditka by 58.”

Carl Wollarski: “Dit-ka would laugh at the stroke and beat it in under two seconds. Dit-ka would then walk up to the gates of Heaven and tell Saint Peter to bring God down right now. Peter would be so freakin’ scared that he would get the big man off of world peace or an earthquake or whatever and go see Dit-ka. Dit-ka would then grab God by the robe and demand answer as to why there was a freakin’ stroke allowed. The God would tell Dit-ka that it was to show everyone that Dit-ka could beat a stroke in two second. God and Dit-ka would then have a beer and the whole world’s faith in God and Dit-ka would be restored. Dit-ka by infinity and then plus two with Dit-ka taking the spread.”

Bob Swerski: “Dit-ka. That’s all I gotta say.”

Bill Swerski: “Good answer Bob. Dit-ka.”

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Except, this is not in any way a Saturday Night Live sketch (at least not yet). Former professional football player and coach “Iron” Mike Ditka suffered a minor stroke on Friday, November 16th. By Monday November 19th, Mike Ditka was on the Mike and Mike Radio Show on ESPN Radio. In Ditka’s own words he said, “I was kinda driving down the highway of life really fast, and I had a flat tire… I feel good now, but I don’t know what that means, because I felt good before I had this thing. But I feel pretty darned good. I’m Iron Mike … c’mon!”

By Sunday November 25th, Mike Ditka appeared in person on ESPN working the NFL Gameday show. When Ditka predicted that the Browns would beat the Steelers, Cris Carter joked that the stroke had taken a bit more of an effect on Ditka than Ditka had let on. Carter should have had a little more faith in Ditka. The Browns beat the Steelers 20-14.

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Ditka is God.

Then they would all raise their glasses and say “Dit-ka” possibly followed by “Da Bears.”