A Dozen Amazing USB Flash Drives

By Stew Miller on January 5th, 2012

Everyone has seen lately those really cool looking Flash Drives on which you can store many Gig’s of info. Way back when -probably within the past five years or so- you could only find them in boring shapes and colors and all that mattered was that you had enough space to collect all your porn and Hentai. But now? They range in every conceivable shape and style from Star Wars to LEGO, and everything in between. We’ve collected twelve awesome designs that really go above and beyond the call of… well, necessity, I suppose. Enjoy the excellence.

The Nostalgic Robot

Our first selection really sends one back to the 50’s and 60’s when everything had to be somehow related to Space. Robots were all the rage and everything had to look like a pseudo-realistic visage of what humanity thought might be running our lives in ‘The Future’! So robots it was, and this Flash Drive really captures that bizarre fear represented in automaton form.

Little Toy Cars

Say! These USB Flash’s really ‘Drive’! Get it? Drive? Never mind. Basically these are for anyone who ever played with Micro Machines or Penny Racers. Or I guess Matchbox and HotWheels, but they’re quite a bit smaller. You can zoom them around at your desk and have mock derbies that are just ridiculous enough to make your boss think you’re completely nuts.

The Futuristic Oldness of Steam Punk

Do you love Steam Punk? Of course you do! Who doesn’t enjoy the combination of futuristic robotics combined with the rusty, antiquated look of a 1950’s plumber’s tool box? No one, that’s who! Steam Punk has become really popular especially for those who wear ironic glasses, far-too-small skinny black jeans, and knit caps… those who do nothing all day but read love stories featuring androids and corroded metal. We all know the type.

Rocky Raping Your Computer

Uh… well, I’m not really sure how to… uh. Look, there are a ton of these guys out there in various shapes and sizes ranging from wrestlers to aliens, but this one is Rocky. That’s right, Sylvester Stalone. And he’s ‘inside’ your computer. Literally. The connection point is his wang, okay? He is, without a doubt, raping your USB Port. I can see nothing off-color about this at all.

Your Flash Drive Be Blowin’ Up, Yo!

Nothing quite says, ‘fuck you, files!’ quite like a grenade-shaped Flash Drive! Or, maybe you’re trying to stick it to the man at your company all spy-style by jacking tons of insider secrets and files and the last little hurrah you’re gonna send is a nice grenade to the building… Flash style. You rebel, you.

The Haunted World of El-Flash Drive

You’re a loner. A rebel. An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a pair of taped spectacles. You’re dark, devious, and all of your online friends know you as BlackSkull58. So what better way to keepsake your WoW stats then by storing them on a skull-shaped Flash Drive that also doubles as a sinister ring. Wow, you are something.

Flash Drive Jihad

Praise Allah with this infidel-destroying Uzi Flash Drive! Or, better yet, act like a gang-bangin’ bad ass and store your priceless Hello Kitty pictures on a really threatening drive that doubles as a non-firing weapon! That’ll show your enemies at school when you’re caught smuggling the pics to your lame-ass friend and kicked out for a month. Way to go, stupid Flash Drive.

I’m Batman… the Flash Drive.

Now this is just plain cool. Yeah, the Star Wars ones are super bad-ass, and even the dudes bricking in your machine are actually kinda sweet, but we all know that anything Batman emblazons is just epic. Simple as that. I mean there’s even a squirt gun with a Bat-Dick as the trigger, so you know what I’m saying. From what I can see, these come in Caped Crusader, Boy Wonder, Clown Prince of Mayhem, and Cat Woman. I wonder how many Gigs she’s got… meow!

It’s a Flash Drive… No! It’s Ravage!

Just in case you’re one of the select few that really wants a little more out of their mass storage devices than just, ya know, storing stuff, here’s one that literally Transforms! Much like the Soundwave bots of yore, Ravage here looks almost identical to his 80’s cassette counterpart! And that’s damn sweet! Now you, too, can drain your friend’s ‘Side Boob’ pic collection and play with the Flash Drive at the same time!

Shop Smart, Shop ‘Flash’ Mart!

That there was a really bad Ash reference. But I think you get the connection. This is a really awesome chainsaw Flash Drive complete with horrific blood splatter! Leatherface would be so proud! Well, assuming that ass-backward family even has a computer. Oh I bet they do, and they troll for moonshine recipes and torture porn. Cuz to store it on their Chainsaw Drives, ya see.