Earth Day is a Sham

earthbannerUnfortunately, too many people are not only brainless automatons, but also firm believers -sadly- in everything everyone tells them. Case in point: Earth Day. So, if you feel like you’ve just about had it with the faceless voices rambling on about how Earth needs a human Band-Aid and just how little time we have left to enjoy our resources lest we change our wicked ways, well, read on. If, however, it is your soul purpose in life to find ways in which you and everyone you come in immediate contact with can affect change and make our rapidly dying world a better place, well, there’s a giant orange bin right outside. Climb on in, because you, too, can be recycled.

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Forty years ago today, April 22nd 1970, effectively marked the very first day when the idea behind world reparations was crammed down our throats. Earth Day began as a way for humanity as a whole to be told how to take the shit we accumulate and separate it into smaller piles that will, eventually end up as funky-feeling deck material and, oddly, more shit. The man behind the movement was U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin. See, the state from which he originated was, and for the most part is, a pristine, untouched painting with endless, unscathed wilderness and nary a blemish to behold. So without surprise, he figured the rest of the planet needed to look like Wisconsin, and the only way to accomplish that was to work everyone up into a froth over a few disposable diapers and Styrofoam cups. But, as it is with so many of our brilliant U.S. Senators, Mr. Nelson was a colossal moron.

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"Everything I say is true. I'm a politician."

Why was the Senator such a tool? Well, before we cover that, let’s understand for a second that his proposals to begin an Earth Awareness Day was immediately picked up on by the grassroots populous who we all know can be persuaded to fall in line with some pretty asinine shit. Who were they? The people who listen to everything the news tells them. The people who nodded in agreement when they were told that the world, as it is today, would continue to deteriorate at an alarming rate. The people who believed that anything they did, as a group of thousands or millions, would eventually effect how the Earth would ‘heal’. Basically people who eat force-fed bullshit for ever meal.

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But, as I said, Senator Nelson and his zombie followers were about as learned as a backpack of doorknobs. You see, what this guy didn’t quite grasp is the simple fact that the Earth has been around for roughly 4.5 billion years and has been through quite a lot. Look, try to fathom what even a million of something looks like. Okay, now how about a million million. Yeah, even a billion of something is so difficult to wrap your mind around let alone 4.5 billion somethings. But the point is, as long as the Earth has been around, it has been through a hell of a lot. The Earth is a living thing, and like many living things, Earth has a magical way of fixing itself. It either gets rid of shit it doesn’t need or else it creates new shit by shaking things up. It can rebuild, it can destroy, and it can take what it can’t obliterate and turn it into something it can use. Earth finds a way. And, I’m sorry to say, there is nothing we can do, or have done, to it that is doing any real irreparable damage to the planet. We just aren’t.

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But what the inhabitants of Earth can do really well is create propaganda to rile up the ignorant masses. People are an agreeable lot for the most part, and will typically follow someone who shines like a leader weather he or she tells you to save the planet or buy a specific type of car. People fear thinking for themselves, but they relish copying the moronic acts of the most charismatic. So, tell some friends, to tell friends, to tell friends, to tell friends that if they stop throwing plastic into the garbage and not to chuck rubbers out the car window, they’ll most likely do it… by the millions. But, it only takes a few to roll their collective eyes and think about just how idiotic something as ridiculous as Earth Day really is.

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Look it’s not that I don’t care about Earth. It’s just that I know there is really nothing to worry about at the scientific level. Sure, there has been oil spills, over abundance of human waste, and clear cutting of forests -to name a few- but this stuff is just a pittance to the planet. Stuff grows back, oil spills eventually separate, and most of the human waste will, over time, get absorbed. It’s just the way it is: Earth adapts, just like humanity. There’s nothing to worry about, I assure you.


So take your Disney Channel Earth Day messages, take your parades and benefit concerts and enjoy them, but don’t take them too seriously. Earth Day is a sham invented by folks who just wanted to make us, collectively, look the other way with something so outlandish that we’d never question what was going on just to our left. Sleight of hand from a government of magicians. But check that blind spot once in a while, you’d be surprised how much truth is hidden just out of sight.


"Believe us! We're cute!"