Even Toddlers Know The Internet Is For Porn

We like to think of children as sweet, modest and innocent.  Unfortunately, they have access to the Internet, and apparently they know why it exists: Norton found that “porn” was the fourth most popular search for kids 7 and under. This is, of course, of profound concern to America and our youth. Easy access to porn is spoiling our youth and depriving them of that most important childhood ritual: stealing Dad’s porn.

Finding Dad’s porn, and stealing it without him noticing, is a ritual of manhood that builds character and develops intelligence. You learn strategizing (how long does it take Dad to go on a beer run?). You develop a wider awareness of the world around you (was that just a random creak of wood, or is Mom walking up the steps?) You learn about spatial relations and social engineering (Mom and Dad might look in the nightstand, but they’ll NEVER think to check the lining of the boxspring!) You also might learn other valuable knowledge depending on what Dad’s into, like gynecology, different cultures, or valuable lessons in racial equality. “Black Butts” taught us that the races can come together, and joyously.

We are depriving our children. Join us in filtering the porn out of children’s internet, while making the purchase of porn in family households mandatory. We must not fail our children. Join us in building their character, the lazy little bastards.