The Full-Length Trailer for John Carter (Formerly of Mars)

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I laugh at Taylor Lautner's abs.

I’ve never been a fan of films with people’s names for titles. Forrest Gump, Michael Clayton, Powder — none of them do much for me. Nevertheless, Tim Riggins versus four-armed green aliens does sound kinda bitchin’ and the trailer uses an updated rendition of Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir,” so all is not hopeless. The again, do we really need a movie that combines elements from Stargate, The Scorpion King and Attack of the Clones? Probably not.