Five More Holiday-Themed Video Games We’d Like to See

By on August 7th, 2012

Holiday themed video games inherently have a short lifespan, and tend to be too cheesy for any hardcore gamer to take seriously. We wondered however, what would happen if we put a bit of cynicism into Holiday video games, and built off concepts that have proved successful with gamers in other genres. Here are five more five holiday-themed video games we’d like to see:

Black Friday

Overview: Shop your way from one side of town to the other without going into debt and being maimed, injured or killed in this adventure title.

Gameplay:

  • Delve into the deep recesses of the Apple store while cursing your fan-boy uncle for his pretentiously implicit name brand stipulations.
  • Fight to the death for the last <insert name of this season’s end-all toy or gadget here>!
  • Use your joystick to steer yourself through mall traffic in the classic spirit of Frogger!

Platform: Dreamcast (A big awkward failure of a console for the big awkward failure of a friend, lover or family member you’ll feel like if you fail to feed the consumerist holiday needs of everyone in your world.)

Super Bowl Sunday

Overview: Have your friends over for a Superbowl party in this rhythm-based RPG.

Gameplay:

  • Choose one of two gameplay paths; are you and your buddies’ team of choice the winner or the loser?  One involves angry drunken debauchery and possible arrests, the other involves elated drunken debauchery with definite arrests!  Guess which is which!
  • Argue passionately on the phone with the spread-too-thin pizza place that said your food would be there within an hour!
  • Peel nachos off your ceiling and clean off your beer soaked pet chinchilla!

Platform: GameCube (One of the few M-rated titles touted by Nintendo solely for another point in their we-don’t-only-put-out –games-for-children argument.)

April Fool’s Day

Game type: Survive April fool’s day in this overhead 2D platformer/RPG.

Gameplay:

  • Trust no one as you try and make it through the day unscathed.  Deceive everyone by telling lies, and setting up booby traps.
  • Keep your dignity meter above “Gullible Jackass” as you strive to be mindful of the nefariously concealed pitfalls that await you with every encounter!

Platform: NES (The blocky, blurry goodness of antique graphics lends to the uncertainty of every step you take!)

St. Patrick’s Day

Overview: Find the real meaning of St. Patty’s day in this challengingly unsteady first person platformer.

Gameplay:

  • Run for your life from the guy that you politely reminded is American after he flashed you the four leaf clover he got tattooed in his armpit after drinking for 16 hours straight.
  • Chase down the last cab home before you are stranded because your unscheduled vomit-filled detour to a nearby alleyway caused you to miss last call and throw your cell phone at the wall in a green, drunken rage.

Platform: PS3 (Use the PS3’s patented six-axis motion control to navigate over passed out college students and between parked cars that your drunken sensibility actually believes to be moving.)

Thanksgiving

Overview: Epic family on family battles in this Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game reminding us of what Thanksgiving is all about; dominating your fellow countrymen.

Gameplay:

  • Choose your clan and race type:  Dark, pale, and in between!
  • Class styles consisting of drunks, religious zealots, ethnics, traditionals or any combination thereof.  Special attributes for each!
  • Tread on epic battlegrounds such as the Macy’s Day parade, your Uncle’s living room and even an original depiction of the first Thanksgiving in early America complete with realistic racism, inequality and Injuns!

Platform: PC (Because what other platform has enough of a nerd following to make something so structured and time consuming marketable as well?)

Check out our original Scrapped Ideas for Holiday Games article!