Five Sports Stories Ripped from the Headlines


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Number of healthy non-Developmental League players able to suit up for the Golden State Warriors : Surprisingly, the decrepit carcass of Devean George is one of the five. Not so surprisingly, the Warriors possess a 12-27 record and are one of the worst teams in the NBA.

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Total number of wins new Buffalo Bills head coach Chan Gailey will have before being fired : The coaching carousel is alive and well in the NFL.  We’re somewhat startled that Dan Henning wasn’t dusted off and hired to coach the Bills.

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Number of missed field goals missed by Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding on Sunday : Despite being the most accurate kicker in regular season history with an accuracy rate of .872, Kaeding has been beyond abomindable throughout his entire career in the playoffs.

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People in San Diego who are thrilled about head coach Norv Turner’s new three year contract extension : Norv and his wife are the only two. That’s it. Coming off a 13-3 season we suppose an extension was inevitable, but Norvie is about as exciting and inspirational as a quart of rancid milk.

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As in there is a 1% chance Gilbert Arenas will play again this season : After pleading guilty to a felony gun charge on Friday, Agent Zero is expected to be suspended for the remainder of the year by NBA Commissioner David Stern.  If Arenas sees the court during the second half of the season it will be a minor miracle.