Fondly Missed Fast Food Sandwiches

Growing up consuming more Fast Food sandwiches than a small, third-world nation was probably not the smartest idea of all time, but there it was. I enjoyed far too many garbage burgers slapped betwixt two bits of toasted bread and I’m likely suffering from it on the inside as we speak. Anyway, we all miss the old days as sandwiches came and went, and here are ten of the finest missing ‘gentlemen’ of all time.

“America’s Roast Beef! Yes Sir!”

Ok, ok, not really a long gone sandwich, but who knew this is what Arby’s stood for? Also, those sandwiches look so much better than the oddly on-beef-like hurl they serve today.

Wendy’s Hot Dogs

I don’t know. There’s just something inherently off about buying a hot dog from a fast food place. Most decent-sized cities have local dog joints that serve that Great American Classic the way it ought to be, and for a fair bit cheaper, too. Oh well, I guess that’s why they never seem to last and/or because they taste like boiled ass.

McJordan (McDonald’s Triple Cheeseburger)

Yeah, I know it’s not the Michael Jordan triple-cheese commercial, but it is Jordan, so you’ll live. Well, maybe not after consuming one of these big bastards. The ad that aired had MJ hocking the triple bypass burger as though he’d eat it on a regular basis. Right, that explains his astronomical vertical leap. Anyway, imagine a double cheese burger with a whole other patty on it. Yeah, now feel your heart stopping.

Burger King’s Roast Beef Sandwich

Though judging by this wonderful ad, Burger King’s roast beef sandwiches were some kind of gift from God, I don’t recall ever trying one. However, we did a fair bit of traveling when I was a lad so it is entirely possible I noshed on one a time or two. Looks kinda foul, though.

Wendy’s Monterey Chicken

I think this might have been one of my absolute favorite sandwiches of all time. Regardless of what the other fast food franchises try, they just can’t seem to make their chicken breasts like Wendy’s. Wait, did I say ‘Wendy’s’ and ‘Breasts’ in the same sentence? Nice.

McDonald’s Cheddar Melt

Oh goodness the Cheddar Melt. This greasy gut-bomb was like an orgiastic nirvana smothered in onions. Ya know, for as horrible health-wise as McDee’s can be, they sure know how to sell fast food sex.

Burger King Chicken Bundles

I distinctly recall getting a whole mess of these little sandwiches and taking them to a lake for lunch one time. Why do I remember something so obscure and pointless? Because my mini-chicken fell in the sand and, despite the fact that it was an obvious accident (perhaps), I had to finish eating it anyway by blowing off the loose grains. It was still damn crunchy. They were pretty good, without the grit.

Wendy’s Dave’s Deluxe

Man, Dave got around, didn’t he? There were several of these ads made and each time Dave just acts out his lost and innocently doofish best. Dave was the best ad-campaigner in the biz, hands down. Oh, and this burger was outstanding.

McDonald’s Mc-DLT

Oh Jason Alexander, you sexy, SEXY bastard, who knew you could sing? Those rich, blinding pastel colors from the swankiest decade ever: The 80’s. The wonderfully wasteful wrapping for the McDLT was so environmentally unfriendly, but back then, no one gave a shit anyway. I ordered my fair share of these fellows and, honestly, it never really worked like it explained in the ad… Oh well, and so it goes.

McDonald’s McRib

I think that sums it up nicely: “CHOMP!”

Stew Miller

Contributor at Gunaxin
Writer, artist, and part time Furry.
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