Friday the 13th: The Theatrical Trailers

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Perhaps I have an unnatural obsession with Friday the 13th. Perhaps I just have a bizarre fascination with horror flicks in general. Or, conversely, I’m secretly a practicing serial killer-in-training and I’m trying to work my way up to full-blown mask-wearing psychopath by learning all I can from the master himself. Well, it’s definitely one of those three things.

Anyway you slice it, the horror movie genre owes an awful lot to one Jason Voorhees and his many, many misdeeds. No, he wasn’t the first to do it and no, his penchant for repetitive and redundant slayings aren’t always the most original. But, what he lacks in style he more than makes up for in tenacity and all-around productivity. Jason’s kill count is over 150 in all eleven movies he’s reigned destruction in (remember, ya can’t count the original as it was his mommy) and, as of this writing, a sequel to 2009’s ‘2.5’ entry — not really a re-imagining, rather a modern installment into the timeline — is in the works. Jason is, if anything, prolific.

Anyway, all that aside for now, here are the twelve trailers from the theatrical flicks our masked hero has starred in. Okay, if you want to get technical, he doesn’t have a mask of any kind in the original and the hockey mask doesn’t make its first appearance till part three. But I think you know what I mean.

1

Friday the 13th

Hey! You can even play ‘6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon’ with this one!

2

Friday the 13th Part II

It’s like Sesame Street for slashers!

3

Friday the 13th Part 3: 3D

I think I still have my glasses from this one around here somewhere…

4

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

For anyone who’s ever wanted to watch Crispin Glover get it, this one’s for you!

5

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

Contains your recommended daily allowance of Feldman!

6

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Yes. This is the ONLY real trailer this movie ever had.

7

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

I suppose at this point, the writers assumed that since nothing physical could stop Jason, why not telekinesis?!

8

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Please don’t confuse this with The Muppets Take Manhattan at your 5-year-old’s birthday party sleepover.

9

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Final my ass.

10

Jason X

“Guys! It’s okay! He just wanted his machete back!” Perhaps the single stupidest string of words ever uttered in a movie.

11

Freddy Vs. Jason

If you didn’t realize going into this neither of them was actually going to die at the end, you’re not a true horror fan.

12

Friday the 13th (2009)

And so it begins. Again. For the fifth time. Again.