Gangsta Unicorn’s Week 2 Fantasy Football Picks
Life ain’t nothin’ but bitches and money. Yo, listen up fantasy ballers and shotcallers. Gangsta Unicorn is here to drop science ’bout who to start and who to sit fo’ Week 2. I’m straight outta legend and myth so I know my shit. If you want more Benjamins pay close attention. If not, take your punk-ass back to the crib.
All Steelers (vs. SEA) – That Seahawks D is wack. Black and gold gonna be pissed after gettin’ punked by the Ravens. Big Ben, Mendenhall, Mikey W and old man Ward are primed to pop. Get all these muthaf*ckas in your lineup. Word.
Mario Manningham (vs. STL) – Damn, cornerback Ron Bartell broke a bone in his neck. That’s fu*ked up. The Rams be beat up and shit. My boy Mario gonna get some looks under the lights on Monday. Picture him rollin’.
Cedric Benson (@ DEN) – Ced B is Gangsta Unicorn’s kinda playa. Thug was doin’ time ten days ago. Next thing ya know he’s bustin’ up the Brownies. Look for more of the same when he bangs horns with the Broncos Jell-O Puddin’ Pop defense.
Owen Daniels (@ MIA) – Tom Brady threw like twenty balls to Hernandez and Gronkowski against the ‘Phins. OD be one of the baddest tight ends in the game. Do the math, bitches. Gangsta Unicorn showin’ mad love to the Texans in 2011.
Cam Newton (vs. GB) – Cam got skillz, yo. But Zona’s JUCO defense ain’t in the same class as the Pack. Woodson and Fabio gonna put this shit on lockdown. Unless you’re desperate at quarterback, leave the yougin on the bench.
Chris Wells (@ WAS) – ‘Skins held Bradshaw and Jacobs to 73 yards. Beanie ran angry against the ‘Cats, but I’m not feelin’ him this week. Washington’s front is bringin’ heat this year. Gonna be a long day for the redbirds.
Percy Harvin (vs. TB) – DMac-5 needs to hang it up. Nigga looks spent. No shame in walkin’ away. Until he do, Percy ain’t worth startin’.
Chargers D/ST (@ NE) – Tom Brady is cash money. Bolts don’t have enuff game to hang. Fasho.