Happy Easter to All My Peeps! Remembering Classic Easter Treats

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Ah, Easter. The Christian holiday totally dominated by an enormous fictitious rabbit who peddles candy and other assorted goods, flanked by a smattering of pastel colors and way too many eggs. None of it really makes that much sense, but we’re here to celebrate it anyway. To aid you in that goal, here are some of the festive Easter or faux Easter themed foods to celebrate with this weekend:

Peeps

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Nothing says Easter like assembling your Peep army for consumption. Line them up and throw them down your throat. The holiday’s favorite sugar-coated marshmallow treats are perfect for that instant sucrose high. Plus, they look like they’re just begging to be eaten. If straight Peep inhalation isn’t enough for you, try this Easter challenge: eat an entire package of Peeps and chug a beer in under two minutes. See if you can make it, particularly without throwing up. Or you could try the Easter Peep Challenge, and see how many you can eat in 30 seconds.

peeps strip clubHowever, a word of warning about these candy birds (or rabbits). Although Peeps may seem like innocent little creatures, they are not. Don’t let their looks fool you! Left to their own devices, they are prone to indulge in sin and various other crimes. Just look at the candid photo to the right. That’s a best case scenario. They can do much worse. Once you free them from their cellophane prisons, eat them quick. Or at least keep an eye on them. If you need help, here are Elevenish Ways To Kill A Peep. And whatever you do, please do not microwave them:

Cadbury Eggs

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It used to be you had to wait until Easter to find these delicious candy treats. The combination of a satisfying embryo of molten sugar goo with a chocolate outer shell just seems to go together. Now it’s easier to find them year round (even if they appear to be shrinking), but they are still best if eaten around this time of year. Bock bock bock bock (Note: Cadbury products in the U.S. have been made largely by Hershey’s for the last few decades). Did you know Cadbury Eggs are like Jesus? Allow Greg Behrendt to explain.

Jelly Beans

jellybeans 27012017 560x315Americans consume 16 billion jelly beans at Easter, many of them hidden in baskets. Although don’t lose them in your Easter grass. It’s a bitch to dig them out of that cellophane shred. If you want to combine the candy with the religious holiday, remember these christian meanings for different colors:

  • Red is the blood of Jesus that He shed.
  • Green is for new Life that His death brings.
  • Yellow is for the Joy and Celebration that Easter Brings.
  • Orange is for the Holy Spirit Fire that glows.
  • Black is for our sin, His death, the final hour.
  • White is pure and holy. The Blood’s cleansing power.
  • Purple is the Royal color, A reminder that Jesus is King of Kings
  • Pink is for the Infilling of the Holy Spirit that your life shows.

Paas

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You know Paas, the Easter egg dye that has been a traditional staple of the holiday used to create fun, colorful eggs for 125 years. I could try to come up with something witty, but instead I think I’ll let Patton Oswalt handle this one (NSFW):

Reester Bunny

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This is just one of things that you wonder why it didn’t come about sooner. Chocolate has been a staple of Easter, despite the success of Peeps and jelly beans. And nothing goes better with chocolate than peanut butter. Enter Reese’s with their peanut buttery goodness and the Reester Bunny is born. Yeah, Reese’s makes other peanut butter Easter treats besides the bunny, like the popular Peanut Butter Eggs. But none of the others come with a delicious pun-filled name and none come with more joy than downing an animal shaped object. This treat is a full sized chocolate rabbit full, loaded down with peanut butter (instead of the standard nothing in hollow rabbits). Although one can also get it in the mini-size if you don’t feel man enough to go for the normal size. Let’s be fair, the original is probably bigger than any peanut butter filled chocolate bunny should be. And people say Americans are fat! 

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Carvel Ice Cream Cakes

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Carvel’s really an Ice Cream store for all seasons, which has you covered for any holiday. And that includes Easter (Although I don’t know what they have cooked up for Columbus Day). The Easter Bunny, Cookie Chick or the Easter Egg are your ice cram cake choices this time around. Sorry, no bizarre cousins of Cookie Puss. In the commercial below, I must say that Cookie Chick’s chirpy voice makes a nice contrast to Tom Carvel’s raspy old man voice:

Wonka Golden Egg Collection

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Willy Wonka and his candy factory goes into overdrive for Easter, producing the standard fare, but Wonka-ized. You can get four products in the collection, all loaded with candy favorites. The Wonka Egg Hunt comes with plastic eggs pre-filled with SweetTarts, LaffyTaffy, and good ole Nerds, plus one ready-to-fill golden egg (What is it with Wonka and golden stuff?). The Golden Nesteggs are bite-sized milk chocolate eggs with graham cracker cookie pieces, the Golden Creme Egg is a chocolate creme and caramel-filled eggs with graham cracker cookie pieces, and the over-sized Golden Large Chocolate egg is an individual milk chocolate hollow egg filled with SweetTart candy eggs. All in all, a delicious assortment for anyone.

Robin Eggs

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Robin Eggs have been around since the 50’s, so they’re a popular addition to many Easter Baskets this time of year. Their unique manufacturing process creates one of a kind candies, as the speckles are random. Those speckles also tend to be mostly blue, and these candies have been known to turn your mouth as blue as a real robin’s egg. 

Easter Caviar

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And finally, for those with a more sophisticated taste, caviar. Here we go again with eggs and Easter. If you’re not familiar, the traditional way of serving fresh caviar is in its jar (or tin) nestled in a large shallow bowl of crushed ice with its lid along side. It is served with a mother-of-pearl spoon, being careful to avoid crushing the eggs. Avoid using sterling silver as it imparts a metallic taste and the caviar will discolor the silver. The dish should be kept as simple as possible. Accompany caviar with fresh toast points, blini or potatoes. Add perhaps a touch of crème fraîche, but nothing more to mask the intense and bewitching experience of eating caviar. Armed with this knowledge, you can grab your monocle and head out into high society this Sunday!