Moon to Earth: Eat It.
So, basically what it boils down to here is (ahem) EVERYBODY FUCKIN’ PANIC! Thank you, and now back to your regularly scheduled humor.
Richard Nolle, a noted astrologer who runs the website astropro.com, has famously termed the upcoming full moon at lunar perigee (the closest approach during its orbit) an “extreme supermoon.” When the moon goes super-extreme, Nolle says, chaos will ensue: Huge storms, earthquakes, volcanoes and other natural disasters can be expected to wreak havoc on Earth. (It should be noted that astrology is not a real science, but merely makes connections between astronomical and mystical events.) But do we really need to start stocking survival shelters in preparation for the supermoon?
Guess what? There’s more. Of course.
According to John Vidale, a seismologist at the University of Washington in Seattle and director of the Pacific Northwest Seismic Network, particularly dramatic land and ocean tides do trigger earthquakes. “Both the moon and sun do stress the Earth a tiny bit, and when we look hard we can see a very small increase in tectonic activity when they’re aligned,” Vidale told Life’s Little Mysteries, a sister site to SPACE.com. At times of full and new moons, “you see a less-than-1-percent increase in earthquake activity, and a slightly higher response in volcanoes.” The effect of tides on seismic activity is greatest in subduction zones such as the Pacific Northwest, where one tectonic plate is sliding under another. William Wilcock, another seismologist at the University of Washington, explained: “When you have a low tide, there’s less water, so the pressure on the seafloor is smaller. That pressure is clamping the fault together, so when it’s not there, it makes it easier for the fault to slip.” According to Wilcock, earthquake activity in subduction zones at low tides is 10 percent higher than at other times of the day, but he hasn’t observed any correlations between earthquake activity and especially low tides at new and full moons. Vidale has observed only a very small correlation.
So, maybe just ignore that little diatribe up there. Sorry. Everything’s gonna be just fine… (runs, packs suitcases, books flight to Saturn)
Most natural disasters have nothing to do with the moon at all. The Earth has a lot of pent up energy, and it releases it anytime the buildup gets too great. The supermoon probably won’t push it past the tipping point, but we’ll know for sure, one way or the other, by March 20.
And hey, why not a joke to end it all. It’s funny!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto turn in for the evening out on the plains. After a few hours, Tonto suddenly nudges the Lone Ranger until he awakens. Tonto says, with alarm in his voice “Look up! What do you see?”
The Lone Ranger looks up and says “I see the nighttime sky.”
Tonto nods and says “So what does that tell you?”
The Lone Ranger thinks about it for a moment, then says “Well, astronomically, it tells me there are millions or even billions of stars and planetary systems in our galaxy. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is currently in Leo. Theologically, I feel the sky suggests that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Time-wise, from the position of the moon, I’d say it’s about 11:45pm. And meteorlogically, from the clarity of the sky, I’d say we’re in for a great day of weather tomorrow. Why, Tonto? What does the nighttime sky tell you?”
Tonto replies “It tells me somebody stole our tent, you jacka$$.”