Movies for Valentine’s Day with Heart

Paper HeartValentine’s Day is a pretty stupid day, all in all. There really is no good reason for any one of us to be celebrating it, since the entire point behind it is to show your special someone just how much you love them. That’s a load of bullshit!

If you aren’t expressing your feelings for your significant other every single day already, one day of chocolate and half-assed attempts to shower your mate with days and days of backed-up love is akin to covering a chainsaw wound with a Band-Aid. And good luck with that, ya ass.

Well, since you’re going to celebrate anyway, you might as well do it while watching a decent flick after your dinner at the Golden Corral. (Mmm… Valentine’s Buffet equals guaranteed sex!) So here are eleven flicks with HEART. Literally. You see, cuz Valentine’s Day is all about Hearts. Yeah. Just go watch ’em and shut up.

11) Paper Heart

Charlyne Yi embarks on a quest across America to make a documentary about the one subject she doesn’t fully understand: Love. Only Michael Cera could make this concept any worse.

10) Hearts in Atlantis

It’s a touching tale about death, a kiss, and Low Men in yellow coats. Hey, it’s Stephen King, what did you expect?

9) Wild at Heart

Laura Dern’s mom is a nut case and sends killers after Nicolas Cage. Also it’s hilarious.

8) Angel Heart

Can you pass up a movie with characters named Johnny Favourite and Harry Angel? What if I threw in Lisa Bonet and some really messed up shit. Interested?

7) Lonely Hearts

Another movie with Heart in the title where killers are involved! It’s a running theme!

6) Music of the Heart

The story of a schoolteacher’s struggle to teach violin to inner-city Harlem kids. Now that just screams Valentine’s.

5) I Heart Huckabees

Let’s see: Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman solve existential issues suffered by a ton of movie stars who drop in and out. This’ll put you to sleep pretty quickly.

4) Where the Heart is

Queen Amidala is pregnant in Wal-Mart.

3) Random Hearts

Han Solo has an affair.

2) Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken

Horse diving is a thing?

1) Playing By Heart

“Eleven articulate people work through affairs of the heart in L.A.” Wait… what?