Did you happen to catch Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime performance last night? If not, count yourself lucky. It was forgettable, to say the least. Five minutes in I swore I was watching something recorded days ago. Whatever. As we all know, halftime shows have become milquetoast affairs in this post-Nipplegate era. M.I.A did flip the bird briefly, but it’s the bird, so anyone with a mentality above that of a 12-year-old didn’t care. In case you skipped the Material Girl, here she is in pictures. (Courtesy of Star-Ledger and BuzzFeed)

Soaring like a Pterodactyl on the verge of extinction.

Pretending (unsuccessfully) to be a hot, young cheerleader.

Acknowledging that Cee Lo is indeed the better singer.

Attempting (unsuccessfully) to keep up with a group of in-shape dancers.

Auditioning for Thor 2.

Hiking up her granny thong.

Acrobat tossing.

Blinding the world with her punch-drunk crotch.

And yes, she did stumble like the old woman in the Life Alert commercials, which was kinda awesome. Fin.