To commemorate Rockstar Games’ release of Red Dead Redemption, we at Gunaxin think a historical comparison is in order. Integral to the game-play of Red Dead Redemption is a feature called the morality system. The point of the morality system is to either award or take away ‘honor’ points based on decisions you make as outlaw-protagonist John Marston. For example, if you merely beat the ever-loving crap out of a mangy scoundrel instead of capping him with your Colt revolver, you gain positive honor. If you eat your horse instead of ride him, negative honor. Here’s a speculative unfolding of how we think The Wild West’s greatest men would fare against Red Dead Redemption’s morality system during a typical day in their lives.

Al Swearengen:

• 8:00 AM- Wake up, take shot of whiskey: +5 honor
• 8:01 AM- Early morning, better make it two: +15 honor
• 1:00 PM- Scheme: 0 honor
• 9:00 PM- After long day of scheming, take a shot: +20 honor
• Total honor: +40

The Man With No Name:

• 3:00 PM- Declare Mexican Standoff: +50 honor
• 3:05 PM- Win Mexican Standoff: +100 honor
• 3:10 PM- Find the buried gold: +50 honor
• 3: 15 PM- Leave Tuco hanging with a noose around his neck: -40 honor
• Total honor: +160

Anton Chigurh:

• 10:00 AM- Strangle unsuspecting policeman with handcuffs: -75 honor
• 11:00 AM- Execute unsuspecting civilian with captive bolt pistol: -100 honor
• 2:00 PM- “Call it, friendo.”: +200 honor
• Total honor: +25

The Lone Ranger:

• 1:00 PM- Fake own death: 0 honor
• 1:20 PM- Make friends with Indian: +50 honor
• 1:40 PM- Promote peace in a corrupt, vigilante landscape: +75 honor
• 1:40 PM- Look like a lame version of Robin while doing it: -80 honor
• Total honor: +45

Rooster Cogburn:

• 3:05 PM- Take off eye-patch: -10 honor
• 3:06 PM- Drink: +5 honor
• 3:08 PM- Put back on eye-patch: +20 honor
• 3:15 PM- Kill somebody, anybody: 0 honor
• 3:16 PM- Drink: +5 honor
• Total honor: +20

Fievel:

• 8:07 AM- Wake up. You’re a mouse with a gun in his hand: +1000 honor
• Total honor: +1000

Content sponsored by Walmart Gamecenter and Axe Twist. Check out the Red Dead Redemption page over at Gamecenter for an exclusive video about this exciting new game.