Tech Company Wants to Ruin Movies

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Death is too good for guys like this.

You know, it’s bad enough when people interrupting the movie you’ve paid to see feel that telling them to shut the hell up merits stabbing you in the neck, but now a German company wants to make it so you have to answer the damn call to continue the movie!

Oh, it gets better. When this random jerkoff answers the phone, he gets to steer the main character. So, not only does this guy yak through the entire movie, he actually controls the movie. In other words, this technology is going to turn movies from communal experiences we all enjoy to paying ten bucks (or more!) to watch some asshole use his phone as a video game controller.

And for all the people who think that answering your phone in a movie theater, during the movie, is okay; Jesus hates you.

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He hates the SHIT out of you.

And so does everybody else. Get it through your head. You are not in your living room. Your call is not important. Turn off your damn phone.

Also, texters, we can see the screen. We’re in a dark room, and your screen shines like a beacon of assholeness.

Here’s a neat way to make the movies interactive: give the entire back row lead pellets and slingshots. So whenever some loser flips open his phone to answer a text: ZING! Right through the screen!