Ten 12 Days of Christmas Parodies That Ruin Christmas

Feature Image Indian Christmas 560x227Everyone knows the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” in which our merry carolers list all the great presents they are being showered with from some sadistic bastard who believes that birds and servants are appropriate presents.

Seriously, what are you going to do with 8 Maids a-Milking? Start a dairy farm? And what exactly are they milking? Nowhere in the song did you give your true love cattle or goats. Are they milking the Partridge? Dear God, what kind of monster are you? We’re also fairly suspicious of a single “Lord-a-Leaping,” let alone ten of these fruitcakes bouncing around while we’re trying to come to terms with a bunch of women milking a bird.

Anyhow, this is one of the most parodied songs out of all of the Christmas classics available. While others have been done to death, none has been rode hard and put away wet quite like “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

The 12 Pains of Christmas

If you're not familiar with the original, we can't take the time to describe how seriously sorry and sad your life has been up until this point. In the Bob Rivers' super-funny-ha-ha parody, the singers go through all of the bad parts of the Christmas holiday and all the grief one has to put up with just to have a family holiday.

Not that Bob is alone here. There are literally dozens and dozens of parodies made of this song by people who believe they're incredibly clever, witty and just have to share their unique pile of Merry Shitmas with us all.

The Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas

Do you remember when Jeff Foxworthy wasn't just some smarmy hillbilly asking people if they were smarter than a fifth grader? Do you remember when he was funny? Probably not, but he was a big thing for quite a while. Then he got hooked up with some singers and they helped him put together an entire album of songs based on his unique brand of standup comedy. Read: redneck jokes set to music.

12 Days of Christmas

We tried watching all of this, but after the opening line, "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a totally insufficient dowry," we had to leave and soak our heads for a while. Maybe the Indian people celebrate Christmas, maybe they don't; it's not like we're looking it up.

12 Days of Minecraft

You've got to be a special kind of sad to enjoy this one. The 12 Days of Minecraft basically lists things in the game. Whoopee!

12 Days of Zombie Christmas

Aside from having the Count from Sesame Street on lead vocals, we can't really recommend this song to anyone for any reason. Even our enemies don't deserve this tragedy.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

A political rant set to Christmas music. Because if you can't use this most merry of days to further your own agenda, you're doing it wrong. When we think of our happiest memories from childhood, we fondly remember the time we went union busting with Grandpa Sal down at the loading docks.

The 12 Drugs of Christmas

Rehab is for quitters, get in the yuletide mood with hard drugs. Though, to be fair, some of these may just come in handy for dealing with the in-laws.

Call of Duty 12 Days of Christmas

We realize that gaming has become more of an acceptable thing in people's lives. Unlike years and years ago when those who played video games obsessively were labeled as losers who lived in their parents' basement and never saw a for-real boob. While some of that may have changed, we're pretty sure the schlub responsible for this parody still hasn't seen a for-real boob.

12 Days Of Christmas Scrapbooking

Thankfully she's not singing anything during this video. That's quite honestly the only redeeming quality. The only thing more boring than scrapbooking is watching a video set to Christmas music about scrapbooking.

Tiger Woods Twelve Days of Christmas

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Good luck trying to sleep tonight. This is goddamned creepy. We're fairly certain this is how the Apocalypse will begin. On the other hand, it's completely chock full of Tiger hate. And that's what's truly important on this very Merry Christmas holiday, isn't it?