Ten People You’d Most Want on Your Zombie Apocalypse Survival Team

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Well, kids, it’s finally here: The Zombie Apocalypse. The streets are running red with the blood of the innocent, and the tomb-freed ghouls are marching across the countryside. So now what are you gonna do? Well, you might want to grab a useful weapon and probably gather a team. And where are you gonna drag your team from? That’s right, TV and Film! Where else would you possibly find a more prepared team with whom to latch onto at this, earth’s most desperate hour? Look, if you’re going to believe that an actual Zombie Apocalypse is occurring, then go crazy and suspend all disbelief and form an epic team! Here’s how it better go if you want to live.


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Original Appearance: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Chains, knives, and an explosive Ice Cream Truck.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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So you've managed to talk Troma's own foul-mouthed biker chick into joining your rag-tag little band. Good for you, because she is pretty lethal and makes a fine distraction for the brain-munching minions: an Ice Cream Truck chock full of meat. Well that and some well-placed explosives. She might be rough around the edges, but she's got heart. Sadly, without the rest of her crew in tow, it's only a matter of time before she finds herself caught in the middle of an advancing horde. Well, for as long as she lasts, she's not a bad asset.

Cherry Darling

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Original Appearance: Planet Terror

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Her leg is a machine gun. Need I say more?

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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Speaking of badass chicks with very particular set of skills, the group has just gotten one step more awesome with the inclusion of one Cherry Darling: a babe with a gun leg. Oh, yeah. At first her irritation at what was going down -- up to and including her near raping by a completely messed up Quentin Tarantino -- was aggravating. Then at a most inconvenient moment, she loses a limb and is forced to hobble around uselessly at the behest of El Ray. However, it was this particular incident that truly made her the kick-ass heroine that she is today. And when called upon, she'll attach her automatic rifle at the knee, and dive right back into the role that earned her a part on your roster.  Sadly, she has a child now, and really wants nothing more than to be with him. And let's be realistic here, she really can't move very fast. Laying down a mess of suppressing fire (get it? laying down?) is about as good as she gets... but the ammo will run dry.



Original Appearance: Night of the Living Dead (Romero and Savini)

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Though it's hard to believe when we first meet her, Barbara has wits, guts and a willingness to survive. Sometimes that's enough.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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"They're coming for you, Barbara." Let's face it, folks, with this line so began the rampant onslaught of zombie flicks for ever more. Barbara seems meek and maybe a shade naive, but beneath that prim and proper exterior is a bad bitch with an itch to survive. When she and a few others are holed up in a farm-house, her first thoughts fall to her brother who died so she could escape the zombie at the chapel. But it's all a matter of time before her will to live kicks into overdrive and she fights off the groping, moaning ghouls with precision and passion. She'll stay with you for a good long time, but without any real advance knowledge of life outside of her own four walls, be it farm-house or otherwise, her tenacity can only go so far.


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Original Appearance: Dawn of the Dead (Romero)

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Peter will use whatever's at his disposal, and when locked down in a mall, the sky's the limit.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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Peter is an excellent ally, especially if you happen to be locked in a shopping center. He'll create zombie-killing devices out of just about anything he can get his hands on, and that's a really good thing. His terrain is a bit limited, but the chances are better than fifty percent that you are going to, at some point, want to get to safety in a fortified location. And if you lead your group to a Costco or a galleria, well, Peter is your point man and he'll definitely be the guy making brain spears out of baseball bats and climbing spikes. He's a great survivalist, but if the action heads out-of-doors for too long, he might be one of the first to fall behind.


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Original Appearance: Shaun of the Dead

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Primarily a Cricket bat, though pool cues will do.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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When light-heartedness and a certain sense of lilting humor are required, it's a damn good thing you've got Shaun. Not only is he witty and charming, but he's a whiz with otherwise useless tools for thwarting the marauding horde. Sure, it might take a while, what with hurling the records and tossing random shed fillings, but it'll be really damn entertaining. He always has a pretty decent course of strategy, is typically one step ahead of the zombies, and he's not afraid to wander among them when necessary. And why not have a man whose main draw is the desire to shack up in a pub and knock back a few pints before the zombies trap you for life? Luckily, his cricket bat and Winchester will get him and his girlfriend out safely, even at the turning of his best friend. But now that he's helping you, life just got a little better for everyone.

Lionel Cosgrove

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Original Appearance: Dead Alive (Brain Dead)

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Lawnmower.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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Lionel is as wide-eyed, unbelieving and jittery as they come, especially for a guy who watched his mom and a house full of guests slowly turn into blood-thirsty monsters. His knowledge of zombies is just a shade different from the style the Apocalypse is pouring onto the Earth: he saw a Sumatran Rat Monkey tear into his mum and slowly turn her into the living dead. But that's no matter, because when it comes to the undisputed master of improvisation, Lionel is definitely your man. His epic usage of a lawnmower to chop up the shambling mess of house guests is legendary! If ever you needed a man who's more than willing and able to grab the nearest tool or lawn maintenance machine, Lionel is the guy. And his chances of being there to the bloody end are excellent, because the guy just doesn't understand the word "stop."

Ash Williams

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Original Appearance: The Evil Dead Trilogy (Specifically Army of Darkness for this purpose)

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Boomstick and a chainsaw arm.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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It's almost a prerequisite to have the snarky, sarcastic, chiseled hunk on your zombie survival team, and you could scarcely do better than Ash. Though, once again, we have a guy whose intimate knowledge of the living dead stems from a trip back in time and, well, because he couldn't remember a few simple words, skeletal creatures called Deadites rose from their tombs. But who cares, right? He's a dead-shot with his rifle (and has access to pretty much a limitless supply of ammo: Shop S-Mart!), and has a frikkin chainsaw for a hand! Is anything cooler than that? Ultimately, Ash's only real drawbacks for lifelong membership into your club are running out of fuel for the saw, and maybe a tendency to not really listen. He's basically a big kid with a bit of a superiority complex. Not a problem.


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Original Appearance: Zombieland

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Anything that offers the requisite 'Double Tap.' This guy is proficient with just about everything one could readily locate in a hardware store.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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Tallahassee was a loner. His life was drastically rearranged when he lost his family and zombies took over. But it was that particular moment that singularly settled Tallahassee into his role: a zombie destroying, kick-ass soldier of death. Now that he's decided to fall into your team, since the zombies have devoured his closest friends, he'll definitely be the guy scouring the landscape for usable vehicles, and most definitely food. His affinity for Twinkies has never waned, but it's that drive that pushes him onward into the fray. You most definitely want to be friends with Tallahassee; he'll use everything from guns to shovels, and he'll even regale you with tales about how he met Bill Murray. He's a survivor, and he'll be around for as long as you need him.


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Original Appearance: Resident Evil (video Game series, but specifically the movie franchise for this purpose)

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Guns, more guns, even more guns, and some Martial Artistry.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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There's something about Alice. Her life is one persistent nightmare after another. And her job used to be working for the very company who may very well be responsible for the current Zombie Apocalypse. Of all the ridiculously bad-assed babes around, Alice is just about the most bad-assed of all time. She is crippling amazing when it comes to hand-to-hand combat and her astounding ability to use knives, swords... damn, maybe even sharpened can lids! Her inclusion on your team is particularly amazing, because she frequently works alone since her friends can sometimes become enemies, and being Alice's enemy is really not a great idea. She's also dark and beautiful, but her beauty is dangerous. She'll do more than she can to keep you alive, especially if Umbrella really does have anything to do with what's going on.

Daryl Dixon

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Original Appearance: The Walking Dead

Zombie Massacring Weapon(s) of Choice: Crossbow. Also arrows.

Chances of You Surviving a Full-On Zombie Apocalypse and This Member Making it Out Alive:

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Maybe not the most polarizing character from The Walking Dead, because I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't absolutely dig this dude. But Daryl can either be your best friend, or despise you for just being around, and you'll know it either way. If there's one thing Daryl does that's incredibly intelligent, it's not relying on guns to do in the dead. His crossbow is absolutely the weapon of choice since even if he somehow can't find any new arrows, he'll yank out the ones he has used right from the skulls of his targets. He'll scout for you, he'll watch the perimeter for you, and he'll even hunt for you. Why? Because he's Daryl, and though he might be hard to get along with (and have a bit of a 'lost brother' complex), he's in it for the long haul and he'll more than kick acres of zombie ass.