Ten Star Wars Characters Who Deserve R-Rated Movies

With the Disney purchase of Lucasfilm, the chances that we will ever see ‘mature’ takes on Star Wars material beyond fan film / fiction is pretty slim. By slim, we actually mean ‘will never happen.’ That does not mean that the Star Wars universe is not potentially ripe for mature content. After all, Jabba tells Leia that in time she will learn to ‘appreciate’ him. This is followed up by a demonstration of the size of his tongue. Lets just say you don’t see any Hutt women around that palace. There is a lot of innuendo there which can be eagerly explored.

Disney is however working on one shot character films associated with the Star Wars universe, so we thought it would be fun to imagine the R-Rated versions of those character flicks. We’re avoiding the obvious choices here, primary characters such as Princess Leia and Padme Amidala. However, the following are the type of characters which would lead to an R-rated film that Quentin Tarantino would probably love to get his uncensored hands on.

Aurra Sing

When Aurra Sing was first introduced in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, it was kind of assumed that her appearance was the foreshadowing of a major character. Aurra Sing was supposed to be the new trilogy’s Boba Fett according to internet speculation at the time. In the next two movies, Sing was not to be found anywhere. Her cameo was just that and the whole appearance turned into a head-scratcher.

In the Cartoon Network Clone Wars series Sing was a bit more fleshed out as a bounty hunter with a murderous hatred for Jedi. Additional material suggested that Sing was a former Padawan. If all of this is right, then a movie focusing on a sexy bounty hunter with Jedi training and murderous hatred is practically a role that you could put Angelina Jolie in. With the right budget, fans might truly appreciate the opportunity to see Sing fully fleshed out.

Lando Calrissian

In The Empire Strikes Back, Lando Calrissian crosses Han Solo. Lando Calrissian crosses Darth Vader. Lando would sell out his own mother if he could find her. Lando is all about Lando. In Return of the Jedi? Lando is reduced to an after thought and follows orders of the Rebellion. Yeah, we are not buying that as the final word on Lando at all.

In a way, a movie about Lando has been saved by Disney’s own Pirates of the Caribbean. You can now make a movie about a loveable cad who is actually willing to cross anyone and everyone around him for his own gain and purpose. Lando’s likeability would not actually change who he is in any way. Lando is capable of heroism but not a hero at all. The escalating entanglement of Lando’s increasing double crosses as well as the dialogue could make a Lando movie entertaining on the scale of Pulp Fiction or Jackie Brown. Ideally, a Lando movie would be science fiction as written by Elmore Leonard.

Cornelius Evazan

“I have the death sentence on twelve systems.”

Any character that can say that statement with that much pride is completely worthy of a lot further review. The additional fact that Cornelius Evazan was further identified as a doctor who regularly performed surgery makes him all that more intriguing. Of course, the fact that most of Evazan’s patients reportedly ended up dead or at least mutilated does not mean that Evezan does not at least have some sort of promise.

If you don’t think that a movie is a possibility, you really are not paying attention. There are movies and television shows dedicated to Hannibal Lecter and Norman Bates. One of the most intriguing characters currently on television is the Blacklist’s Red Reddington. In short, the more evil and soulless that you make Evazan, the more audiences might flock to it. They made seven movies out of the Saw franchise. Just imagine a torture chamber involving lasers and light sabers.

Darth Maul

They made a trilogy out of Vin Diesel’s Riddick character and Riddick is a soulless killer without any real remorse. Darth Maul would be a classic in a comparable type of ‘bug hunt’ movie. Ideally, it would involve Darth Sidious’ training of Maul. Put Maul on a planet in which the only way out is to kill your way to the top.

If you throw in one element or character in which Maul actually shows an unexpected sympathy for, then you have over the top alien killing that an audience can actually get behind. Maul just looks cool and has an impressive skill set. Audiences actually want to root for Maul through violent action. At the end of the movie, Maul would not have really changed, he would have just completed the mission and possibly either saved or lost a grand total of one life he cared about.

IG-88

IG-88 is an assassin droid. How scary is that? They have (since Empire Strikes Back we might add) created an entire series of Terminator films based on this exact concept. IG-88 on a hunt to bring back the body of someone with R-Rated abandon for violence could potentially not only be exciting but also legitimately scary entertainment.

IG-88 would not have a change of heart. IG-88 would have no intention of stopping. IG-88 would merely kill his prey or get destroyed trying. Also, movies like Iron Man have proved that robot fighting is really big business. You could potentially be more violent in an IG-88 movie since violence on robots does not really lend itself to much compassion. Setting IG-88 against a Jedi could also bring out the best of mysticism versus cold hardware that made the first Matrix movie so intriguing.

Garindan

Garindan is a spy in Mos Eisley whom Jabba the Hutt was worried about finding out too much about Jabba’s operations. Garindan actually managed to find the Droids that every one was looking for in that wonderful hive of scum and villainy.

You never actually see Garindan’s face (despite the rendering above), and Garindan’s voice was actually a processed version of John Wayne’s voice. In short, Garindan is a sleazy chameleon available to the highest bidder working in the shadows of the original trilogy. Throw in an obscene budget and a way with the ladies and we might potentially be looking at an intergalactic James Bond. This would be especially true if the Empire tried to betray Garindan to his death.

Oola

Oola, as the literature goes, is actually a fairly tragic character. She is presumably sold into dancing as well as implied sex slavery by her own people. It is rumored that Bib Fortuna is a member of her own race as well as the one responsible for her predicament. However, showing Oola’s story may be one of the more compelling in the entire Star Wars universe. The sad part is that the original script called for Oola to escape.

You would have to ideally give Oola some sort of victory before her tragic end. Possibly, she could be a catalyst which ultimately helps the Rebels prevail. Before that, it is an open invitation to the seediest realm of Jabba’s Palace and that should be worth all the price of admission.

Bothan Spies

“Many Bothans died to bring us this information.”

In that one line, possibly the greatest unmade Star Wars movie ever was hinted at. Imagine a group of Bothan spies handed the ultimate suicide assignment. Infiltrate the second Death Star, and obtain the plans using whatever means necessary. Get the plans back to the Rebellion and don’t give away any information or the base. We can only imagine that out of the entire crew on this, a grand total of one or maybe two made it out alive and back.

This is practically the best of westerns meets the best of Schwarzenegger movies. It is practically a Star Wars take on action movies like The Expendables or Predator. The additional benefit is that you could bring in the personal involvement of Darth Vader. We would also get to see exactly how badass the Emperor’s Imperial Guard actually was in action. The Bothan Spies would be just all sorts of beautiful tragic action, with you know a thermal detonator.

Talon Karrde

Talon Karrde is the one expanded universe character who truly deserves a movie for the following reason. Karrde was envisioned by writer Timothy Zahn while writing Heir to the Empire as Han Solo (if he never joined the Rebellion.) Karrde manages to maintain a neutrality during the wars and beyond by being an information broker. That means that literally anyone could be an antagonist from Rebels, to Empire, to Jedi, to Sith, as well as Bounty Hunters and fellow smugglers.

Eventually, Karrde manages to find some humanity, but there no reason why we would have to show any of it in a cinematic view. There is also the added benefit that you could also feature Luke Skywalker’s eventual expanded universe wife as well as the mother of Luke’s expanded universe children Mara Jade in a Talon Karrde movie.

Boba Fett

They say that clothes make the man. This was certainly true with Boba Fett. Fett had the coolest uniform in the universe. An entire generation of viewers wanted Fett to be cool as well. Fett then died in the dorkiest way imaginable in Return of the Jedi. It did not stop the love.

One of the greatest lines in all of comic book history was Fett stating that the Sarlaac pit found him to be ‘somewhat indigestible.’ Fett literally needs a movie which does not portray him as incompetent or a kid. There needs to finally be some validation on the big screen. A spin-off orgy of gore and violence that has to be cut to avoid an NC-17 rating. That would be truly beautiful.