Tesla Vehicles Apparently Suck

bits elon tmagArticle 560x239Tesla CEO Elon Musk, star of a recent The Oatmeal comic and current nerd idol, has announced that other developers will be permitted to infringe on the Tesla Motors patents on the conditions the information be used in “good faith.” Musk states that this is to encourage innovation and help electrical cars into the market for the betterment of mankind. The real message is clear: Despite the actual performance and specs of the vehicles, Tesla cars must be crap after all.

A New System of Alternating Current Motors and Transformers 09

See? Obvious junk.

This claim is substantiated by the lab-tested fact that business people never act selflessly in the public interest, particularly not wealthy people. It does seem odd in light of how they’re rated in the top 1% of cars for safety and how it performed much better than vehicles such as the Honda Odyssey in terms of maintenance and energy costs. Still, raw data doesn’t lie.

Ugh, I feel sick just looking at it.

Either that or it’s because Elon Musk is trying to lure small developers out into the open where he can then sneakily redefine what he meant by “good faith” and then quietly sue them out of the market. I’m on to you, Elon Musk! You won’t be able to use me for one of your little patent lawsuit toys!

1024px Model S as imagined by the WSJ

Yep, haul the terrible things away, just like in this photo. Or is this one being delivered? Oh it is? Well, whatever.