The Mormons Versus Brandon Davies

Brandon Davies Intro 560x401

Don't worry kid... the trolls did you a favor.

With March fast approaching and the faithful inhabitants of sports nation preparing for the orgy of joy that is March Madness, the world of college basketball was dealt a significant blow last night as Brigham Young University announced sophomore center Brandon Davies, the third-leading scorer on the nation’s third-ranked college basketball team, had been dismissed from the squad after violating the university’s honor code.

From Jay Drew with the Salt Lake Tribune

BYU announced in a terse news release that Davies, a 6-foot-9 sophomore from Provo High, “will not represent the university on the men’s basketball team throughout the remainder of the 2010-11 season” because of a “violation of the BYU Honor Code.”

School spokeswoman Carri Jenkins said Tuesday night that the school does not release details regarding violations of the code. She said the Honor Code Office of the university owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints became aware of the violation on Monday and that a review is under way.

“Some decisions regarding Brandon’s future on the basketball team and his status as a student are yet to be determined,” Jenkins said.

And that leads us to the Honor Code. While the blogosphere was surprisingly humble in avoid the temptation to rush to judgment, the college basketball audience on Twitter was not. Obvious suggestions – sex, alcohol, drugs (he’s a college kid… that’s what college is for) – earn immediate suspicion, a thorough review of the university’s rules reveal Davies may have been engaged in any number of activities… and we’re betting you enjoy a few of those activities yourself.

Sleeveless Shirt 560x424

Even the baby is, technically, sleeveless.

No sleeveless shirts.

Short Shorts 560x358

Megan wears short shorts... thank god (or whoever).

No shorts worn above the knee.

Sideburns 560x481

The ultimate flavor saver... yet BYU says, "No thanks." Fools.

No sideburns.

Beard e1299048971551 560x238

Amanda... Beard. Thank you, thank you... tip your waitress. Try the veal.

No beards (the ‘stache is ok, so long as it doesn’t breach the corners of the mouth).

Earring 560x555
No earrings.


Ahem... winning.

No dating or meeting with students of the opposite sex outside of “visiting hours” (I’m not going into it… we’ll be here all day).


No smoking… of any kind.

Poker 560x373

This could have been you, BYU...

No gambling.

(Why the school then engages in football and basketball is beyond me… life is a gamble. Life with basketball and football is an entertaining gamble. I didn’t know Mormon was French for “delusional idiot”… live and learn.)

No porn.

No activities you might enjoy while watching porn… even if you aren’t watching porn.

(To review… it’s ok to strap on pads and beat the livin’ shit out of each other on the football gridiron, so long as you don’t touch your own dick while doing it. Seems reasonable.)

And last but certainly not least…

Hot 560x373

A tradition unlike any other...

No homosexuals.

It is fair to note BYU is a private institution, free to construct and enforce any rules or regulations they see fit (that’s America… you take the good with the bad). It is also fair to note Davies accepted those rules and regulations when he enrolled at this institution, and thus he understood the ramifications of his decisions. As noted by Jenkins, the university will not be providing details on Davies, his activities resulting in his dismissal, or any specific violations of the Honor Code. That’s fair as well.

I don’t give a shit regardless. Again, this is America. You take the good with the bad. I don’t want to know what “sin” Davies is guilty of committing… because, as usual, karma has already righted the ship.

If you are going to take a universal, unbending stand against facial hair, proper cheerleading attire, binge drinking, recreational drug use, hot girl-on-girl action, and masturbation… you don’t deserve to be champions. You deserve the disgrace that comes with your holier-than-thou conviction.

And we deserve to enjoy March Madness without you.

(And yes, I know… BYU earned a national championship in Track and Field in 2004, one of ten national championships the Cougars have put in the trophy case. I told you…

… this is America. We take the good with the bad.)