Seven Tips to Beat the Summer Heat

If we’re anything here at Gunaxin, it’s helpful and informative. We pride ourselves on offering our services in myriad ways so that you, our loyal readers, can step away from our articles with a sense of well-being and satisfaction. So, in continuing with our competent track record of giving away free knowledge and useful life lessons, we now present: Seven Tips to Beat the Summer Heat! Yes folks, it’s damn hot out there, but we have some ways you can cool off this summer.

1) Sweat cools the body, so wear layers.

Why do you think we perspire? Because it is our body’s natural mechanism for keeping us cool during hot days! So, if you want to beat the heat and remain at a frosty temperature, layer on the clothing! We recommend a base article something akin to an Under Armor, long sleeve sport shirt. Then, really begin building on the shirts like several dark T-Shirts, a flannel Forester’s button-up, a Cardigan Sweater, a tweed Sport Coat, and maybe a down parka. With all these items stacked on your body, the sweat will come fast and furious. A simple pair of skiier’s leggings will help as well. Sweat as much as you can for as long as you can and, bang! Cool!

2) Roll up those car windows.

Everyone knows that in order to keep things out of places, all you need to do is seal up all the ways in or out! It’s simple physics or something! So, while cruising the city or town in which you live, say NO to the heat by closing your windows tight and blocking all the vents with plastic wrap. This is the only sure fire way to prevent your car or van from getting uncomfortably hot. It might be a good idea to sit in there for an hour or so just to make sure none of that pesky warmth is seeping in. We must be diligent!

3) Drink dark or hot beverages.

So you say you’re thirsty? Well many accredited scientists these days are under the assumption that thirst is created by the brain and is mostly psychosomatic. It’s true! When you crave a cold beverage, it is more likely your mind playing weird tricks on you. Who knew? Well, scientists. Accredited ones, even. Anyway, if you do plan to go against Science (and we recommend you do not), then trick your brain right back. On a hot day drink only the following: room temperature chocolate milk, 100 degree coffee, any Stout or Porter left in the car, molasses, Sriracha, or gravy.

4) Playground slides are great fun!

Now it’s hot out and you can’t think of anything to do. Well, how about taking some kids (any kids are fine, pick them up in a big windowless van for convenience) to a park with a variety of long slides! Slides are never not fun, especially on 90 degree days! Think fast moving and lovely breezes! Never mind the fact that all slides, mostly metal ones, but plastic, too, can feel like a Panini press in the hot sun. Think of this flesh-seering heat as a cooking surface and your tender thighs and buns as delicious sausages! And what does meat eventually do in a scalding pan? Slides around! Right! Now go hit those hot playground griddles and have a ball!

5) Construction sites are always fun too.

If it’s one thing Summer likes to offer, it’s miles and miles of exquisitely frustrating construction zones! Now we’re talking fun! Am I right? Yes sir! Anyway, let’s explore those very areas, okay? We all know they are inundated with super sweaty people literally cooking in the sun for hours on end, so why not go make friends with them? Don’t just assume they are angry or bitter about their thankless jobs in the roasting weather, even though most of them are. Instead, walk around asking them as many questions as you can and leave your bare footprints in any freshly-poured cement or blacktop. They will love the humor and fun!

6) Leave water sitting out for animals.

Animals aren’t humans, but they get just as thirsty, or so I’m told. And one of the thirstiest is the cute, little mosquito. These tiny insects are harmless to crops and flowers and since they breed in droves, they make excellent pets for kids! They love to come right up to anyone and land right on them! They are friendly and so small you almost don’t see them. They do prefer night time activities, so keep that big tub of water near where you might be enjoying a Summer evening bon-fire. The itching means you have a friend for life!

7) Head to the safety of oceans.

Our Earth is covered with a lot of water. Some say a heck of a lot. Most of it can be found in our many oceans that literally surround all of the continents. In fact, our own continent of AMERICA has oceans on both sides! How convenient! The next time you want to swim, don’t bother with boring lakes and streams with their fish and water bugs everywhere, head to your much safer and cleaner local ocean! The water is fine, the waves are relaxing, and the sharks are just curious. You shouldn’t worry. Hot days are fine days for a dip in the sea, yes indeed. Nothing bad ever happens there.