Top Ten Bromances of the NFL
We couldn’t care less if you’ll admit it or not… there are dudes working in the NFL you admire beyond their performance on the field. You appreciate what they do off the field. You approve of the lifestyle and the way they are seizing the moment. THAT, my friends, is a true bromance.
The NFL is full of ’em, so let’s count ’em down.
(When is it wrong to include one of these commercials? I’d say never, and today they fit the theme.)
- Reggie Bush: Pictured above with long-time trophy Kim Kardashian, Bush falls off the chart due to his failure to meet expectation with the Saints (the college “issues”… eck, whatever… the kid deserved a car). His best accomplishments have come off the field, fo’ sho’.
- Eli Manning: Living in the Big Apple with a ring should be enough, and he’s putting in work with the ladies as well (so we here… check out the Deadspin link attached to his sibling below)… but he doesn’t look the part. He’s got that… look. Ya’ know? That Eli look… like he’s not really there, not really registered on reality, kind of looking past it and spacing on whatever. You know what I’m talking about.
- Darrelle Revis: Those you adore Revis speak of his achievements as if he were a messiah, but we don’t know much about his personal life other than he wants to be paid now rather than later (and he wants to be paid A TON). You need a rep from the D on this list somewhere and, to be frank, they just aren’t as well known for pulling trim… but you know if one does, it’s Revis.
- Tim Tebow: He’s a virgin.
If you saw the 30 for 30 special on Ricky then you know why he is adored. Maybe you suggest he doesn’t deserve a spot above the guys listed as honorable mentions but I’m writing the damn thing, I love him, and to be perfectly frank, he defies all logic and reason. He works as the most dominant force during his time in the college system, he leaves with crushing expectation, he wears a wedding dress with Mike Ditka on the cover of ESPN the Mag. From there his injuries pile up and, while the rest of us are bitching and moaning about his lack of character or heart, he’s realizing his own mortality and is confident enough to follow his own path. He disappears from the face of the earth, comes back to report he’s been sampling the finer marijuana offerings of the world while planting his seed in a lengthy list of women that now father multiple children all around the globe, and he attempts a comeback. He continues to struggle with the mental weight of it all, leaves again, finds out he will owe Miami a ton of dough, and he finally settles in and discovers he still loves the game. Now he’s one of the only guys in league history to destroy the set at an advanced age, he’s become the face of personality and perseverance on South Beach, and he’s enjoying the best years of his professional life.
What’s not to like?
If we are going to put a defensive player in the Top 10 it has to be the most adored face in the City with Big Shoulders. The fans in Chicago love three things: Pabst, sausage, and the Bears… and Urlacher is the face of the third for this generation of fans. His jersey has been among the league’s top sellers for years, he’s one of the few with only one team on his NFL resume (and he’s no spring chicken… been playing there a LONG time), and even when he screws it up – by all accounts he’s a horrible family man, he’s treated the mother of his child (and some say the kid… I doubt it, but it’s not like I know the guy) like shit, he enjoyed a brief romp with Paris “I’ve got NFL cock double-parked on my ass” Hilton (think he tagged Tara Reid as well… blitzing his dick through the gutter) only to turn around and deny it all, he’s treated teammates like crap, he’s been an injury woe throughout… and everyone loves him. It’s one of the greatest NFL cities in the land and Urlacher has added his name to the list of defensive icons they hold proud. If that’s not enough, consider the life he’s allegedly living away from the gridiron and you should be sold.
I hesitate to put Peyton on the list… he’s kind of a dork, but he wants it that way. He’s the most recognized celebrity in professional football, he’s respected as the best Saturday Night Live host the professional sports world has ever produced, and he’s responsible for some of the most memorable commercial spots we’ve seen over recent years from the NFL. He’s got a Super Bowl ring on his finger, his wife Ashley is absolutely gorgeous, and rumors suggest she’s totally cool with Peyton living the lifestyle you’d associate with the position (thank you, Deadspin). Those rumors never go anywhere because Peyton Manning is Peyton Manning. He’s selling you football, cell phones, credit cards, DirecTV, merchandise from the NFL Shop, the Worldwide Leader, XBox, insurance, and who knows what else… you don’t get those gigs if you aren’t wanted. He’s not held on high, in my humble opinion, among the ball-touting set but he’s certainly in the discussion. If you live in Indy you worship… if you live elsewhere, you admire.
MJD gets a boost for several reasons most women won’t find agreeable but I wouldn’t expect the boys to argue. For starters, the guy is a TON of fun to watch when he’s at work (see above). He’s a human highlight film in a time when running backs are valued like gold. During these glory days of fantasy football no position is coveted and respected more than the running back, and MJD has become leader of that pack heading towards 2010 (Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson may get picked before him… CJ is uglier than a Mississippi fence and you can’t understand a word he’s saying, and Peterson just hasn’t been around long enough to take hold like MJD outside of the Sooner/Viking set). He is a regular on the Dan Patrick Show (where his interviews rank among the most popular on the set list… an outstanding show btw), he hosts his own fantasy football radio show on the new Sirius/XM Fantasy Sports Channel, and while he lacks the pull with the non-NFL celebrity set carried by others on this list, there isn’t a football fan alive who doesn’t know who you are talking about when you say “MJD”. Besides… he’s seems like a REALLY cool guy, he’s much more marketable than you may realize, and he’s doing it all in the least successful city in the NFL. That deserves respect.
The love Rodgers is pulling in fantasy leagues and from fans in the most dedicated NFL city on the map is enough to get Rodgers on the short list, and his ability to post outrageous numbers behind a patch-work offensive line last season is more than enough to earn my respect. What gets him in the six hole… everything he’s doing off the field, and if you don’t know, it’s not that hard to find out. Go to Google, hit “Images” and type in “Aaron Rodgers girlfriend” and watch… her name is Julie Henderson and she’s ungodly gorgeous.
(Editor’s Note : Seriously dude, just show em a picture, this isn’t a scavenger hunt)
If you aren’t aware or need more insight, my good friend P (he never reveals his real name… that’s how good of friends we are) with PurpleJesusDiaries.com has the 4-1-1. With that body in the bed and the body of work he’s building on the football field, Rodgers will be part of our top five in no time at all. Imagine what he might do this year with a healthy offensive line.
I worry Austin isn’t worthy but we’d rather be early on the bandwagon than late. He takes a bit of flack for working with Reggie Bush’s sloppy seconds… but that’s not your typical “sloppy seconds” situation, by any means. Google’s most searched topic gets him on the radar and it only seems fair to push him to #5 based on his outstanding production on the football field last season. With that said, he hasn’t been around too long, he hasn’t made a dent in the commercial universe of NFL promotion, he’s not coming off the board in the first round of your fantasy draft… fine. I admit it. The power of Kim Kardashian and that power alone puts him here. Sue me. If it’s not Austin working as the top bromance receiver in the league then we’d be forced to go T.O. (I’d suggest he’s a disappointment, working with those commodities and doing so little with it… off the field that is), Ochocinco (he’s hurting the stock of every girl on that reality show, which is a crime), Andre Johnson (he doesn’t talk), or Larry Fitzgerald (the only thing folks know about Arizona… they hate Mexicans). That doesn’t work. If the WRs of the NFL are going to get any respect in this group – and as I’m sure they will tell you, they should – it’s going to come from Austin. He already has the trophy and, sloppy seconds or not, he stole it away from one of our Honorable Mentions (who he’s also beating on the field). I’ll live with it.
It seems too early to stick The San-chise on this list… too bad. That’s how this works. He came through an elite collegiate system and ended that career with a big middle finger for Pete Carroll, jumping to the professional game against the wishes of his college mentor. He quickly became the face for the Hispanic fanbase of football, he left the sun and fun of California trim for the cold and uninspired environment of the New York Jets, and in his rookie season he constructed a humble-yet-positive stat sheet that allowed the team just enough respect from opposing defenses to keep the rush-focused offense pumping. He is far from great as a professional quarterback but all signs suggest he’s headed down that road, and the Dirty Sanchez has wasted no time in putting those traditional QB notches on his bedstand along the way. He lives in the tabloids, he’s constantly rumored to be spending time between the sheets with top commodities from the celebrity set, and he’s comfortable with it all. You may not know it but he’s the only non-caucasian you’ll find in the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, and your girl wouldn’t hesitate to jump in there with him.
Tony gets a boost in the ratings by way of the journey. He’s the only guy on the list hailing from Eastern Illinois. He’s one of few on this list who left the collegiate ranks of football without a glimmer of expectation or respect. He’s one of the few touting a collegiate resume that, by the numbers, is nothing short of spectacular yet no one cares as he worked for a second-rate program against second- (and often third) rate competition. Still, Romo has become one of the most adored and admired men in the game and he’s done so with work on and off the field. It started with the push to pull eyes to his work on the football field in Dallas, rising through the ranks to become the glimmer in Bill Parcells’ eye as he waited for his opportunity to start. That goal was carried forward, Romo seized the day, and he seized Jessica Simpson during the peak of her “career” along with it. With the starting job behind center came the glow of fame and fortune and Romo lived his life as any man in that situation should: he plugged Daisy Duke, he followed with Carrie Underwood, and he dumped them both off on the curb to run rampant through the tabloid whores that make fame so alluring. Through it all he’s worked to become one of the best at his profession. Expectations in Dallas are as high as ever this season and Romo is the driving force for it all… and he’s had more than his fair share of fun on the way.
The guy has more rocks on his finger than Young Jeezy, he’s got the world’s hottest female on his arm and in his bed, and he’s guaranteed a spot in the Hall of Fame. There are many in professional sports with the drama of a forgotten baby mama on the resume. Few watch that controversy slide into the shadows and disappear without some form of lasting character wart. Fewer move on to join the married set while maintaining respect as the most envied professional athlete on the planet (admit it boys… you’d give your left nut to be Brady for half a day, no matter what did or did not come with it). Brady has become bigger than the job and this season he’s truly testing his power. While the polish of unrivaled success in the National Football League is starting to wear for the Patriots, Brady is working to remind folks in Boston that his arm is there to save the day. The guy wears a Yankees hat and spends all of his time with the supermodel set in New York and the folks in Beantown turn a blind eye, for the savior is not to be questioned. The day may come when he falls off the perch but he is the closest thing we’ve seen to the man listed below in recent years and there is no denying his persona, his stature, and his place as one of the most bromantical men on the planet.
And, for the top spot… could there be any question…
It cannot be denied. The media follows him around like he’s carrying the Ten Commandments and most fans believe he can and will part the Red Sea that is the NFL as he continues to work magic in the NFC Norse. He comes and goes as he pleases. He’s a total flake, everyone knows and accepts it, and they all praise him any time he graces us with his presence. He blames all of the conceptual woes on others, he shakes off rumors of sext messaging and jag-off cell phone videos like they never existed, and he continue to work as one of the most feared offensive weapons in the game. He is the antithesis of the ol’ school quarterback and he’s doing in full light of the most intense media/public spotlight in the history of professional sports, and it doesn’t matter… he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That’s allsum, just like his wife…
… is allsum. And Jen Sterger…
But they aren’t as allsum as Brett Favre. They’re lucky just to be involved, ’cause no one is that allsum.
So there ya’ go.
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