Twelve Bizarre Foreign Horror Movie Posters

There’s little doubt that horror movies are among the most blatantly and outright disturbing flicks around. And why not? Being a horror film gives you the ability to pretty much stick your bloody barbs into anything and everything you can conceivably imagine. In fact, when it comes to the promotional posters, the sky seems to pretty much be the limit.

On the other side of the coin, you really don’t want to give too much away on your promo products. Well, unless you’re foreign. When you’re creating a poster and you’re not from the states, apparently the rules of subtlety and familiarity fly out the window and get hit by an oncoming garbage truck. The posters are, undeniably, bizarre and often times have absolutely nothing having to do with the movie at hand. And, thanks in large part to Mark H. Harris — whose apparent only job is to find these things — you too can compare and contrast the common and primarily normal American posters with the odd, wacky, and outright insane foreign sheets. Enjoy!

In at number 12, we have the French poster for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s actually not too bad and overly crazy except for one strange spot. At no time in the movie is there a scene where some… person (possibly a woman) is trapped near or around a riveted I-beam. I do not recall the pivotal “construction scene” moment in that film. Sure it was dirty and gritty, but not that kind of dirty and gritty.

I don’t know what it is with those Frogs and almost-correct movie posters, but Creepshow is another just shy of dead on. Again, except for the simple fact that a) the creepy dude that pushes the comic on the kid is not some nihilistic representation of Death, and b) the kid is not some kind of sly, wicked little shit. But, compared to the classic and slightly droll American version, I’d totally see this movie because of the poster, not despite it.

Turkey certainly made this poster gravy, didn’t they? See what I did there? This is really well done. In fact, it could almost pass for an American version were it not for the weird Turkish words on it. It shows the classic pic of Carol Anne and her “They’re Heeeeere” moment along with they fact that she also gets pulled into the TV. Pretty cool, actually.

I had no idea Scanners was about Scott Summers and his evolution to Cyclops. Hmm. I musta watched the wrong movie.

Okay, where to begin here. In the first square, basically we have the classic pic from the American poster that features Perkins up front with that sly, wicked grin and the skull barely superimposed over his face. Only this version is way, way less subtle. In the second and third squares we have what might be arms, we got a face of Hitchcock, and some bizarre something happening there, and finally in the third square we have bits and pieces from the movie. All in all, it’s a jumbled mess. Yet, an eerie jumbled mess.

What. The. Hell? If you’re going to represent the horror in a movie by using one of the main protagonists so as not to spoil the surprise with pics of just who is doing what, that’s just fine. But please — for the love of all that’s good and holy — do NOT make the character look like one of the marionettes from the Spitting Image crew featured in the Genesis “Land of Confusion” video. Shelly Duvall looks like a coked-up Muppet.

Do you folks in Belgium even know what Phantasm is about? What it’s NOT about is a killer with a knife. Not even kind of. No Tall Man? No Ball? Did the artist fall asleep during the movie? No idea.

Ya know those jokes about Polish people and just how incredibly inept they are at everything they do? Yeah, apparently making movie posters needs to be on that list of ineptitude as well because this one-sheet about Stephen King’s Christine is absolutely ridiculous. First of all (and really the only glaring piece of stupidity on this mess), in no scene in the movie does the haunted auto have a MOUTH! This isn’t scary Cars people of Poland! Come on! At least take a cursory glimpse of the flick in question, would ya!.

There was an awful lot going on in this cheesy flick, but one thing that wasn’t was some kind of nasty looking piece of old chicken with misplaced fangs bursting out of a chick’s face. This was not in any scene in the film and was not even an edited piece left on the cutting room floor. Straight razor? I…  honestly don’t remember, but this makes it look like a damn Troma flick. And a bad one at that.

Oh sweet Lord, Poland… what did we just get done telling you? Yes, yes, I understand, in the movie the baby is supposed to be a spawn of Satan, but it does not, in fact, look like a little, furry midget. Like a cigar-chomping circus dwarf hanging around in the pram. Come on Poland, do your homework!

Poland Report Card: FAIL. Oh, and WHAT THE HELL is going on here? Seriously? You’re fired, Poland.

I could go into detail about exactly what this looks like *ahem* a dick *ahem* but since it is, once again, from Poland, I’m not even remotely surprised. Not. Even. Remotely. Poland, you are no longer allowed to make movie posters. Of any kind. Get out of my office.