Twenty Advertisements that Will Haunt Your Soul for Eternity

ronaldIt’s the job of the marketers to come up with clever and insightful advertisements to make us, the lemmings of society, follow blindly along convinced we actually need these things. Sometimes they get it right and we can’t wait to own these things, and other times they scare the hell out of us and make us never want to buy anything again. What follows are twenty print and television advertisements from over the years, which after witnessing, you will never be the same.

Mars

008 vintage ads “The Nuts” is street talk for of crack cocaine, by the looks of this kid.

Tipalet Cigarettes

vintage ads that would be banned today 9 560x758“Fine! I’ll follow you anywhere. Just stop blowing in my face!”

Baby Laughs A Lot

“When there’s no more room in Hell, the baby will laugh a lot.”

Chase and Sanborn Coffee

vintage ads that would be banned today 3 560x496And he will find out. He’s been having you followed. He’s just waiting to hear that your not “store testing” the coffee. This is the shit that matters to him, and you knew this before you married him, so you have nobody but yourself to blame if you end up dead in a shallow grave one day. Don’t give him a reason! You’re friends were right. You should never have married that coffee drinker. But what will you do now? I guess there’s no real way out of it, is there? Not with the children. He’ll never allow that, will he? You better pray the the coffee is fresh. That’s all you can do, really. That’s all you can do. It’s in God’s hands now.

Soul Doll

Have we learned nothing from Chucky? You don’t put the souls of the living in dolls! You just don’t! Nothing good can ever happen from that! Nothing! Take that doll to the Fires of Mordor, Now!

D’uomo

Creepy Christmas httpwww.wackyowl.com 560x742“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I don’t have to tell you why…”

Krinkles

What “It” eats for breakfast.

Tareyton Cigarettes

cigarette adWarning: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health. So is not smoking.

Criminal Coffee

“Stupid bitch! What’s the matter with you? Can’t you even make a simple cup of coffee! Goddam! I knew I should have married your sister! You worthless cow!” For every housewife who has ever been physically, psychologically, or spiritually abused by her husband over coffee, there is hope: The Mountain. Thank you Poppa Eddie. You just saved another life.

Chiquita Bananas

c9178799fb5f60562528d7ca1aa19d0c“So, you’re into this sort of thing? That’s good to know…. heh heh heh…”

McDonald’s in Japan

You can’t escape the clown. He’ll follow you to the gates of hell and laugh as the devil shoves a Big Mac down your wind pipe. You can’t escape the clown.

Mr. Leggs

vintage ads that would be banned today 18 560x732“I bagged her in Cougar Town.”

Play Station 3

Did that baby really suck its tears back up into its eyes? It did. Oh my god.

Cellophane

cellophane baby 560x719“You came out of mommy’s womb, which is made out of the same thing we wrap daddy’s sandwiches in.”

Little Baby’s Ice Cream

Should that ice cream man be eating himself? Isn’t that cannibalism? Worse than that, it’s auto-cannibalism. Christ, I’m never eating ice cream again.

Vibra Finger

18wl6 560x290We could come up with a clever caption for you if you really need us to, but probably you can think of your own for this.

Eat Like Snake

We love Burger King, but man! If I have to worry about snake people slithering about under my feet, unhinging their jaw and swallowing my Whopper whole, I don’t think I want to go there anymore. What else are they going to swallow whole? A baby?

Deodorant

offending deodorant2 e13893829729241Nice face. Shame about the stench of death coming from her arm pits though.

Ironized Yeast

ad1 560x394But that sex appeal may be wasted if she uses the wrong deodorant.

Cellophane #2

953433678 f1cdac15f5“Oh, spread the jam,mommy! Spread the jam! Is it the blood of the innocents? Is it mommy? Is it strawberry? Oh, I want it to be strawberry!”