The Year’s Most Hateable Movie Has a New Trailer

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Oh, how I loathe Oscar season. Desperate for attention producers incessantly pandering to obsequious critics is enough to make me vomit blood. This practice is especially aggravating when the movies being pimped are detestable dumpster juice masquerading as intelligent, meaningful fare that shed sanctimonious light on a troubling subject or affliction. Take last year’s Best Picture winner, The King’s Speech, for instance. The second the end credits started rolling I knew it would capture gold. A period drama about a British royal who overcomes stuttering? F*ck me! Why not call it The Academy is Our Bitch and be done with it?

Which brings me to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, an over the top tearjerker that follows the Oscar playbook to the letter. Tom Hanks, check. Crying Sandra Bullock, check. Dead parent, check. 9/11, check. Mysterious key, check. Geesh, all that’s missing is a Dame Judi Dench cameo. This pile of vaginal warts reeks of Pay it Forwardness, meaning we’re supposed to be moved by its earnest attempt to solve one of life’s great riddles. Be prepared to cry and cry again.

“It’s never gonna make sense because it doesn’t.” That is all.