Ten Times When it’s Okay to Hit a Woman

hit a womanI was taught from an early age that it is never, under any circumstance, acceptable to hit a woman. While I’ve stood by those words, I’ve learned over time that there are indeed scenarios when it is okay to hit a woman. While there are any number of extreme reasons, here are ten good ones I found. At the end, we’ll deliver a good whoopin’ to these girls.


When she…

…Is a prison guard who tortures inmates by setting dogs on them, shoots them, sadistically beats them with whips, and commits acts of sadism. This woman is:

Irma GreseIrma Grese – Convicted Nazi


When she…

…Is a high priestess and co-founder of a cult, and she convinces the members to sell all their stuff and give their money to the cult because the apocalypse will occur at the year 2000, then kills all the members in a church fire. This woman is:

uganda2Credonia “The Programmer” Mwerinde of Uganda


When she…

…Tortures and kills between 80 and 600 girls and bathes in their blood to keep her skin looking young. This woman is:

0elizabethCountess Elizabeth Báthory


When she…

…Participates in the savage killing of her own sister, and eagerly participates in more gruesome beatings with her husband, then strikes a plea bargain with the ridiculous Canadian justice system which sets her free after 12 years, despite more evidence emerging of her crimes. This woman is:

Karla HomolkaKarla Homolka


When she…

…Is a pediatric nurse, and murders children using insulin or potassium injections to precipitate cardiac arrest, or the old fashioned smothering. This woman is:

SNN0715B 400876aBeverly Allitt of England


When she…

…Is an elected judge, but frequently involved in judicial controversies, such as denying a retrial when new DNA evidence emerges, refusing to allow court to stay open late for a death penalty appeal, and famously says, “We can’t give new trials to everyone who establishes, after conviction, that they might be innocent. We would have no finality in the criminal justice system, and finality is important.” This woman is:

judge+sharon+kellerJudge Sharon Keller


When she…

…Drowns her five children in the bathtub. This woman is:

andrea yates march 2006Andrea Yates


When she…

…Claims that a black man kidnapped her two sons and the case gains worldwide attention, only for the police to find out that she drove her car into a lake to kill her kids. This woman is:

susan smithSusan Smith


When she…

…Is pregnant but doesn’t tell anyone, goes to the prom, has the baby in the restroom, puts the baby in the dumpster, then goes back to the prom and dances, then gets a short prison sentence. This woman is:

image319036gMelissa Drexler


When she…

…Shoots her lover’s wife in the face, serves seven years in prison, and becomes a famous journalist and porn star. This woman is:

240px AmyFisherCroppedAmy Fisher

Okay ladies, we’ve established that each one of you deserves a good hit for your selfish, wicked, and murderous intentions. So each one of you will step up, show your cheek, and take the slap that you deserve.